


Honor Able

by JustSmileStuffHappens (ksz13)



Series: Eddie Diaz Week 2021 [4]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Awards, Caring, Comfort, Drinking & Talking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Family Feels, Food Poisoning, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Guilt, Heart-to-Heart, Honor, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Illnesses, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lies, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Minor Injuries, Protectiveness, Self-Worth, Self-Worth Issues, Sharing, Sick Character, Survivor Guilt, Talking, Team as Family, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-19 06:36:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29870652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ksz13/pseuds/JustSmileStuffHappens
Summary: March 4th - Day 4: Eddie + fave outfit /March 4th - Day 4: “I don’t deserve this.” + guilt
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: Eddie Diaz Week 2021 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2191944
Comments: 3
Kudos: 84





	Honor Able

**Author's Note:**

> Rushing to get this out tonight sorry
> 
> The self harm is ingesting food that a character knows will make them sick

**_Honor Able_ **

Eddie dreaded the upcoming ceremony. But it was inevitable.

He couldn't avoid it without either drawing questions or coming up with an excuse of a lie which would also get some questions.

It was a lose-lose situation. 

Which was why he wasn't surprised when Bobby asked him for a word two days before the event was to take place.

He saw the conspiratorial look as Buck talked to Bobby earlier. Eddie wouldn't talk to him about it so he probably thought it was better to send over Bobby.

Them knowing Eddie so well was a double edged sword.

"Yeah Cap?" 

Eddie sat at attention like usual but relaxed a bit instantly in his presence. Bobby led them with both compassion and at most times a level head but he could be both of those things at once.

"We've noticed you acting a little off these past few days. Your performance is fine but- we're just worried. Eddie, you can come talk to me about anything, or see Frank about it if that makes you more comfortable."

Eddie didn't let much cross his face but some still got out.

"Is this about the ceremony coming up?" Bobby asked ready to gauge Eddie's reaction.

It was the only thing that him and Buck could think of really as all the other possible anniversaries that would be painful were out by a couple of months at the least.

Eddie had put up a good front, a facade, but he also let them in.

"I was never good at getting medals." Eddie scoffed.

"Your record could have fooled me Eddie. They're listed along with your recommendations." Bobby smiled Eddie knew he'd try for a reassuring gesture if they weren't sitting so far away.

"Getting them, sure. But- feeling like I earned them. That's another story altogether. I was just doing my job." He shook his head and closed his eyes.

"That- I can't help you with." Bobby said painfully. "You don't have to go though. It's for us. But if the event makes you uncomfortable then it's entirely within your right to choose not to go. I know I'd understand and I know the others would too, Eddie." Bobby looked him in the eye as he said the last part.

It was easier said than done.

"I'll think abo-"

The alarm cut their conversation in the privacy of the office off.

They ran to the trucks from nearby downstairs as they saw the others already hopping into the trucks ready and waiting.

\--

"You don't have to do that you know." Eddie told Buck who was a warm reassurance besides him in the truck the rest of the shift telling facts about their calls like the woman's drone's speed.

"Huh?" Buck looked sincere. 

Oh. Maybe he was just doing it subconsciously, being him.

"Nevermind. But- thanks."

"Sure?" Buck looked lost but his smile didn't waver a single bit.

Eddie asked him about the drone and let Buck's opinion and reviews for which would be best in their price range and best rated for Christopher to get one.

He let Buck's voice drown out his own thoughts for a bit as they were nearing the end of their longer shift. Eddie knew Buck sensed something up since Bobby said 'we' but Buck didn't lie too much about anything.

Eddie packed his bag and said his goodbyes as Buck followed him and they got in their vehicles before parting ways, leaving.

\--

He asked if Buck could come over after their next shift which got an immediate reply of 'Yeah, sure. Want me to bring something to eat?' From him.

After a shorter and lighter shift than the day before they were in Eddie's house with Christopher having just gotten out of school.

Their afternoon began with Christopher telling them both about what he learned in class this week that was interesting. 

Next they ate the takeout Buck brought over before pulling out the controllers and alternating defeating Buck who managed to scrape together a few wins. 

It was a great night. Eddie felt like he could breathe without an intruding weight upon him, inside of his chest, over his heart.

Christopher was getting ready for bed and said goodnight before leaving them. He didn't want to be tucked in as much anymore. It both hurt Eddie to see him growing and also filled him with pride that he had part in raising such an amazing kid.

He'd go check on him, possibly get a sigh of 'I'm okay dad' with a shake of his little head but a smile back nonetheless though.

For now Buck and him were watching a miniseries that Eddie wanted to see but had been holding off so he could watch with Buck and Christopher wouldn't see the adult topic of death and murder investigation.

They were looking at it and half way through the first episode as Eddie sure enough did get a berated moan from his son but also got asked for a hug before leaving Christopher up to read to himself before turning off his light and taking off his own glasses.

Buck gave him a knowing grin. 

They finished the episode with their snacks almost gone and talked about it a bit before deciding to continue another night as they were too spent to focus on the show right now.

Eddie leaned back with a beer and Buck had his own. They were off tomorrow with the ceremony being just after school by an hour and a half. 

Now was as good as ever.

"Bobby talked to me the other day." Eddie saw Buck spit some of his beer back into the bottle. 

He enjoyed it a little too much.

"Yeah. Uh. Can I ask what about?" Buck carefully asked. 

He didn't want to force his way in when Eddie usually let him in, past his walls and barriers.

"It was about tomorrow." 

Buck looked to be thinking up his reply, carefully so- "I- we kinda thought- that might be it." Buck admitted to him, swallowing.

Having someone that knew you so well- it was something that Eddie still sometimes was so surprised by after these years.

He knew Buck better than most people and it went both ways.

There was little that they didn't know about each other. _Yet._

Eddie nodded and took a sip as he eyed Buck under the light of the kitchen from beside him.

"You remember Christopher's show and tell last year."

Buck nodded. "About the medal you received. Yeah." He said.

Eddie didn't talk about it hardly. But Buck remembered Bobby mentioned it when he'd first introduced them to Eddie.

It didn't come up again until Christopher and even then Buck picked up on something there. But he waited and didn't get anything past that. 

Eddie did explain a bit of what happened but only so that Buck could be a sounding board for him telling Christopher's class.

"The medal you never wear. And keep put away. Kept." He corrected. 

Eddie sighed and nodded.

"I got it for getting as many of us out as I could. But it wasn't enough. One of us didn't make it out alive. Only his body." Eddie avoided Buck's eyes then messing with his label instead.

"There was nothing you could have done past that. He didn't survive Eddie. I know you would have done more if you could, but you couldn't. We have that possibility every day,"

The air felt stiff, tense, charged in a way that was different from what it usual felt like with them.

"It's supposed to be about being selfless. But I'm not the only one. You, Hen, Chim. All of us are. I was reckless too. Might not have made it out and back to-" 

He couldn't say 'you and Christopher' without opening a can of worms he wasn't ready for so he stopped there. Let it hang in the air.

"Sometimes reckless and selfless go hand in hand. And you made it out. You found a way. We got both you and Hayden out of that well. Well, we got Hayden. You got yourself out Eddie. And that's was a damn feat in itself man." 

"I wasn't alone." Eddie said.

"Huh?" Buck asked suddenly.

Eddie hadn't told anyone what happened down there past bits he filtered heavily for Frank.

"I- I had Christopher, and you, and Shannon, and the others. You were, in my head." In my heart. "Telling me, reminding me not to give up. That I had a son and a family to get back to. So I fought, found a way, and I swam like hell until I couldn't anymore, and then I kept going until I reached the surface again."

He didn't notice until now that Buck was holding his breath as Eddie continued talking and heard the story from Eddie's point of view. 

They both finally could breathe. Caught themselves. Their hearts each racing in sync to a beat.

"Well, uh. That voice in your head. Whatever it was. It was right." Buck nodded and bit his lip. 

He put down his bottle besides him then earning a look from Eddie.

Eddie watched as Buck took a hesitant step forward more into Eddie's personal space than he already was, but it was nothing new, they were each other's personal space at times. 

"Can I-" Buck couldn't finish it.

Eddie saw him swallow nothing. His eyes shimmered a bit.

"You know you don't have to ask." Eddie opened his arms.

He held him tightly and he returned it back equally so. They stayed there for a moment. Both of them emotionally drained from words.

When they finally parted he was standing closer to Eddie now.

"I- I don't want to go tomorrow but I feel like I have to though." At Eddie's words Buck opened his mouth but closed it.

"Yeah. It'll be weird if it's a thing for you but you don't show. But it's- you shouldn't feel obligated just because it's dedicated to you and Bobby, Eds." Buck worked his lip a little at that. Thinking about it.

"I know." Eddie sighed. "Bobby said that same thing. But I- I can't not go either." He shook his head, stuck between the two options both not feeling right. 

"Well, what if you don't spend the whole time there? They're gonna talk about Bobby and the tunnel first, then from what he said the speaker is gonna talk about you and the well then you get your award and the rest is other people from other stations before it's over with mingling of all the guests."

"Go on." Eddie looked amused and interested in where Buck was heading with his thinking face.

"So- you show up a little late then get your medal and sit back down before something comes up and you two have to leave." Buck said, like it was that simple.

"Alright. What are you thinking?" Eddie raised his eyebrow.

Buck lit up at Eddie's question. 

\--

It was ridiculous. It was genius. Or so Eddie and Buck said.

Eddie picked up Christopher and they got ready but headed out to get smoothies together first.

He was treating his son. That was a good reason to be late. They were enjoying time together and he'd still see the end of Bobby's at this rate. 

Buck was already there giving him a play by play apparently.

Only when they pulled into the parking lot they saw Buck barely getting out of his jeep a few rows over from them farther back.

"You weren't here already?" Eddie asked as Buck came over. How?

He looked a little off but schooled his expression as he greeted Christopher and heard about the new flavor smoothie he tried.

Eddie didn't have time to ask him about it as they entered and saw Bobby getting his award. They joined at their table saved by Maddie and Chimney.

In the next moment Eddie heard them talking about the call with Hayden and the unfortunate weather working against them. 

The speaker then said a little about Eddie and welcomed him up to the stage. He went willingly and kept his eyes on Christopher cheering for him with the others.

He couldn't feel bad about that.

In the next moment it was over with applause for both him and Bobby who looked over with a nod from his own table.

Another paramedic from a different team was being talked about as had apparently been the firefighter before Bobby.

Sitting besides Buck and Christopher and having a second to look at the other man Eddie finally saw that something was definitely wrong here with Buck.

"Buck?" Eddie said, cautiously. 

Eddie was sure he wasn't acting. They'd talked about Buck faking feeling sick so Christopher didn't have to be in on this charade. But they'd reassure him after though.

Chimney got up to look at him.

"What's wrong?" Maddie and Chimney both asked him.

"I think the sushi I ate before this didn't agree with me and my stomach." Buck looked at them all sheepishly with shame.

"You did not go to that same place again Buck?" Maddie said, knowingly. 

"I thought they changed or it was a one time thing." He whispered.

Buck held his middle and covered his mouth looking to almost gag.

Buck, the idi- incredibly dedicated friend that he is, did not just get food poisoning on purpose for Eddie's sake did he?

What kind of question was that?

Of course he did. Freaking Buck.

Buck would risk life and limb for strangers, and Eddie, Eddie was- 

Buck got up and moved over to find the bathroom they'd passed before.

"Is Buck gonna be okay?" Christopher asked, both confusion and worry in his face.

"Yeah. Kid. Gimme a second. I'm gonna go check on him. We might have to take him home." Eddie said.

Whether it was his or theirs went unsaid as Eddie would always pick theirs, Buck was welcome to come over any time with them. Felt like he just belonged there with them.

It was Buck's second home at this point, he had a key. The same way Eddie did, only they used it for non emergencies too though.

Eddie opened the bathroom door to see a guy coming out looking disgusted as he heard Buck.

He hissed in sympathy.

Chimney was probably telling the others what caused their little spectacle as the others had been looking and seemed ready to jump up and help with Buck.

He came to the second to last stall and knocked as he heard Buck click it open for him to see him.

"You didn't have to actually get food poisoning Buck." Eddie said, handing him a wet paper towel and some dry ones too.

Buck put it upon his head and wiped his mouth with the other.

Eddie knelt to be eye level with his best friend, who would do damn near anything for the people he loved. Buck. He sighed. 

"I'm not a good faker." At least, not with this. "I don't have a solid poker face. But now I'm thinking I should have at least to tried instead of this." Buck said, regretfully from where he was leaning against the side of the stall. Ready to hurl once more into the toilet.

Eddie felt guilty at this but it was different and didn't feel the same as the other guilt he felt before. He'd think about it later though.

"Thanks. For being such a good friend. And please don't do this ever again. For me or anyone else Buck. It's painful to watch man." Eddie rubbed his back.

"It hurts to do it more." He pouted but Eddie didn't see it. "I couldn't say it was something else or Maddie would get suspicious and more worried." Buck explained his decision to Eddie breathing through his current predicament. 

They heard as someone opened the door and the telltale sound of crutches echoed on the tile.

The door closed as what must have been Chimney or Maddie left the three of them be. Buck was in good hands right now.

They trusted Eddie with him.

"Chimney said I could help by bringing you some water." Christopher said, holding a tiny water bottle up in offering.

It was a mercy for Buck really, a light leading him home to safety.

"Thanks buddy. You're a lifesaver, just like your dad." Buck smiled through his discomfort at Christopher. Tried to at least.

Eddie took it and opened it before passing it over to Buck.

He drank it and felt better. 

Buck threw up one more time a few moments later before saying the discomfort was manageable for them to leave. He drank the rest to rinse his mouth out.

Eddie helped him up and they all cleaned themselves before leaving the ceremony behind. 

Buck was in the passenger seat with his work bag that would act as a barf bag in case he felt another wave of nausea hit him.

He wouldn't ruin Eddie's truck even if Eddie said it was okay though. 

Christopher told him a story to distract him as Eddie drove.

Hopefully the food poisoning would subside by tomorrow. Buck said he only ate half of the order as he wasn't sure about it.

Eddie would berate him and his choices later. For now they had a sick Buck to take care of.

"Thanks for coming to the ceremony Buck." Eddie said. 

What he really meant was coming to be my alibi out of there. Buck knew that. But Christopher didn't. 

"What are friends for? I said I'd always have your back Eddie. I promised. Buckley's keep 'em." He nodded and covered his mouth from Eddie hitting a speed bump.

"Diaz' keep promises too." Christopher said from behind them getting Buck's attention.

"Hmm. Maybe that's why we get along so well, huh bud?" He said in reply, getting a laugh back.

"No. It's 'cause we like you Buck and you like us too." Christopher said, nodded so matter-of-factly.

"Oh. Yeah. You're right about that too Christopher." Buck nodded back to him. His smile was permeated with warmth from what Christopher had just said.

Eddie pulled onto their street.

"We're almost home." He told Buck besides him. That it was also Buck's home went unsaid.

"Thank God." Buck said, his head up towards the roof of the truck.

They'd tell the others in a bit that they made it and Buck was okay.

But for now they went inside.

  
  
  



End file.
